With its countless unknowns, from class assignments to friend group switch-ups and question marks around extracurriculars, back-to-school season has a way of fueling anxiety for kids and parents alike. As a parent, you not only want to make sure to boost your child’s sense of calm but also stoke excitement about the year ahead. But talking about which science experiments they might attempt or how they’ll ace AP European History isn’t your best bet.
“One of the biggest misconceptions is that kids become excited about school because of academics alone,” points out Brooke Rose, LICSW-S, therapist at Breathable Mental Health. “While learning certainly matters, most children first become excited about how school makes them feel. They look forward to seeing friends, connecting with teachers they like and trust, participating in activities they enjoy, and feeling successful.”
The key to kids actually looking forward to going to school is feeling emotionally safe, socially connected, and capable, says Rose. “Academic motivation often grows out of those positive emotional experiences—not the other way around,” she notes. Here’s how you can lay the groundwork for your child to feel that way, regardless of their age and grade.
How To Make School Fun for Elementary-Aged Kids
Whether you have a little one starting kindergarten or graduating from fifth grade, younger kids will get most excited about school when they’re presented with opportunities for discovery, imagination, routines, and relationships with caring adults, says Rose.
A few ideas to try with your elementary schooler before they head to the bus stop:
1. Take advantage of orientations
Getting a sneak peek of a new school or grade can help eliminate the feeling of everything being unknown, says Kimberly Mosca, PhD, an expert behavior analyst and leader in special education with Westchester Behavior Consultants. “Take advantage of any orientations that the school offers,” she advises. “This gives your child an opportunity to experience the school alongside other students so that they don’t feel as alone. It also helps to set expectations so that not everything about the first day of school is unknown.”
She recommends younger children visit the school grounds when school isn’t in session if at all possible. “Many schools have playgrounds where kids can play and become more familiar with the space before the first day,” says Dr. Mosca.
2. Ask questions that build anticipation
When you’re in the weekday grind, it’s tough not to focus on getting dressed, eating, and heading out the door. But Rose says you can start the morning by giving them something positive to look forward to by asking, “What are you excited about today at school?” or “Who do you hope you get to play with today?”
“Our brains pay attention to whatever we focus on,” points out Rose. “Helping children to focus on something enjoyable—even something small—can shift their mindset before they leave the house.”
3. Celebrate effort and center their experience over outcomes
Rose recommends parents be more curious than corrective. “Instead of focusing primarily on grades, homework, or performance, focus on your child’s experience,” she advises. “Ask questions that invite conversation.”
For example, you might ask your elementary schooler what they found funny today or what class they had an especially good time in, suggests Rose. A few more options:
- “What was the best part of your day?”
- “What was a challenge you had today?”
- “What are you looking forward to tomorrow?”
“This teaches children that learning is an adventure instead of a performance,” she explains. “[And] children who feel heard are much more likely to stay engaged at school—and with their parents.”
4. Create simple rituals
Maybe you have a favorite snack together or take a walk after dinner. You can also go around the dinner table and have a “high and low” conversation where everyone shares the best and hardest part of their day, says Rose. “Positive routines help children associate school with connection at home rather than evaluation,” she points out.
Dimitra Robokos, EdM, MPhil, PhD, a licensed psychologist in New York City, says you could also weave rituals throughout the day. Think: A note in the lunchbox, a special handshake at drop-off, a favorite song in the car, she advises. “Predictable positive rituals are especially reassuring for this age group,” explains Dr. Robokos.
5. Let them own something
Maybe they can participate in picking out their lunch or outfit of the day. Or before the school year starts, they choose their backpack or decorate their school supplies. “This gives younger children a greater sense of excitement and independence,” says Rose.
6. Start the day with a kindness mission and end with a bravery reflection
Two simple ways to make school more meaningful and enjoyable are to give students a daily kindness mission and a daily bravery challenge, says Katie Wood, national speaker and former special education teacher, founder of the Growing the Goodness Initiative, and author of A Simple Seed, a daily guided gratitude journal for kids.
“Encourage [kids] to walk into school asking, ‘Whose day can I make better today?’” she advises. “Challenge them to look for one opportunity to spread kindness—invite someone to play, help a classmate, give a compliment, or include someone who feels left out. This simple shift helps students focus on bringing joy to others, creating a more connected and positive classroom culture.”
And then, end the day by asking your child how they were brave today. “Bravery can be raising a hand when they’re unsure, talking to a new friend, trying a difficult math problem, or speaking in front of the class,” she says. “When children intentionally practice small acts of courage every day, they train their brains to become more resilient and confident.”
7. Recognize that different children need different things
Dr. Mosca points out that for children who are neurodivergent and have autism or ADHD, preparations for the school year take more planning.
“Sometimes, a neutral and matter-of-fact approach to the school year is better than attempting to get your child excited for the school year,” she notes. “If your child experiences academic, behavioral, or social difficulties, going to school can increase anxiety. Attempting to make your child excited can set them up for disappointment because, for them, home might be the place where they feel most safe.”
If this is your child, Dr. Mosca recommends connecting with your child’s team before the school year starts and being open and honest about their strengths and challenges. Also, ask your child what they would like their teacher to know about them, she advises. “You might be pleasantly surprised by the answer.”
How To Boost Enjoyment for Middle Schoolers
There’s a reason that books like Judy Blume’s Are You There God, It’s Me Margaret?—that tackle the realities of adolescence—are such classics. It’s a tough age, and for that reason, middle schoolers might struggle with looking forward to school.
“Middle school is the perfect storm for change in children,” says Rose. “Kids are navigating puberty, changing friendships, increased academic expectations, and a growing awareness of how others perceive them. During this stage, fitting in and belonging often feels just as important as succeeding academically. Many middle schoolers aren’t losing curiosity—they’re becoming more self-conscious. Fear of embarrassment or not belonging can overshadow their natural excitement for learning.”
Consider these moves to shore up their engagement:
8. Help them find one place where they belong
Fostering a sense of connectedness to likeminded peers is a true game-changer at this age, so Rose encourages parents to support their kiddo’s journey to finding their crew.
“Whether it’s theater, robotics, student government, art, sports, band, or another club, having even one community at school dramatically improves engagement and resilience,” says Rose.
Dr. Mosca agrees, noting that when she works with this age group, they often talk about wanting to make more friends or have a group. “Helping your child find something they can do within the school to feel connected to a smaller group is extremely important,” she says. “Belonging is very important to this age group, and having a subgroup within a larger community helps them have an additional reason to enter school each day. I always start by asking them what their interests are, because that is where you will likely find your ‘people.’”
9. Teach them how to choose healthy friendships
Speaking of their people, you’ll do well to teach your middle schooler how to choose healthy friendships with people who give them confidence, strengthen their sense of belonging, and help make school a place where they feel connected, supported, and excited to be, recommends Wood.
“A simple way to teach this is through the candle measurement: [Say], ‘Pay attention to the people who make your light shine brighter,’” notes Wood. “The right friends encourage you, believe in you, and help you become the best version of yourself. If someone constantly tries to blow out your candle by putting you down or making you feel like you have to change who you are, you can still be kind to them, but they may not be the person you choose as a close friend.”
10. Give them choices
Being able to weigh in on when they do their homework, the extracurriculars they try out for, or how they organize their responsibilities will amplify their sense of autonomy, says Rose.
Learning to be more independent will boost their self-esteem and pride in themselves, says Dr. Mosca.
A move that will only serve to magnify this effect: “Encourage them to communicate with their teachers,” she advises. “If they have a question about a grade or anything that is happening in class, work with them on how they can advocate for themselves instead of jumping in and saving the day.”
11. Try to keep conversations judgment-free
If you’re hoping to encourage your child to be more of an open book when they come home from school, make sure you’re emphasizing this one.
“Middle schoolers often won’t volunteer information if they expect lectures,” warns Rose. “Parents who spend more time listening than lecturing tend to learn much more about what’s really happening.”
12. Help them manage their expectations
Although your tween will have plenty of fun activities or interactions throughout their school week, lots of days will feel mundane, and that’s OK, points out Dr. Mosca.
“Our job as parents is to help them find joy in small things and small wins, because when things get tough in school, and they will, they need to have built a skillset that can handle a struggle,” she says.
How To Elevate Joy for High Schoolers
Identity, future goals, and independence all become incredibly important for teens in high school, says Rose.
“High school students begin asking bigger questions about who they are and where they’re headed,” she notes. “School becomes more meaningful when they can connect today’s work to their future, whether that’s college, a career, or simply becoming the kind of person they want to be. They also want more independence. When parents shift from managing every detail to guiding and supporting, teens often become more invested in their own success.”
A few expert-backed ways to do that:
13. Connect the dots between school and real life
Feeling like their education is relevant to the path ahead is key to motivation for high schoolers. That said, Rose recommends parents help them see how their classes relate to careers, hobbies, travel, entrepreneurship, or causes they care about.
“Encouraging meaningful involvement in clubs, athletics, volunteering, internships, leadership opportunities, and part-time jobs often create the strongest memories and deepest connections,” she explains.
Dr. Mosca agrees, adding that doing this could result in seeing your child put more effort into turning in their homework if it means they are working toward the goal of getting into a particular school.
14. Think about adding activity that’s purely for their own enjoyment
Plenty of extracurriculars your teen will sign up for are meant to look good to a college admissions officer. But maybe there’s an activity that has nothing to do with that, and it’s important to carve out time for that one, says Dr. Robokos.
“Support one activity purely because they enjoy it, with no future-resume angle attached,” she advises. “Not everything has to build a college application; some engagement needs to exist purely because it’s fun.”
15. Support healthy social experiences
“Friendships remain one of the biggest predictors of school satisfaction during high school,” says Rose. For this reason, she urges parents to support their teens’ positive peer relationships. Connecting with their social circle will also help teens develop confidence independent of social media, she notes.
16. Reframe setbacks as puzzles versus verdicts
Whether they failed a test or flubbed their lines when auditioning for the school play, Wood encourages parents to ask “What did this setback teach you?” instead of “Why didn’t this work?”
“One question can shut a teenager down,” she says. “The other turns a bad grade or a rough tryout into a puzzle they get to solve instead of a verdict on who they are. Teens who see failure as information stay in the game.”
The Bottom Line on Making School More Fun
As you aim to boost your child’s excitement about school, it’s important to remember what you’d ultimately like that to look like.
“Excitement doesn’t have to mean enthusiasm every single day,” says Rose. “Adults don’t wake up excited to go to work every morning, and children won’t always be excited about school either. The goal isn’t to eliminate difficult days. It’s to help children build resilience, confidence, and a sense of belonging that carries them through those days.”
It’s also crucial to remember that your own attitude is hugely influential, she adds. “Children notice whether adults speak about school as a place full of opportunities or simply another obligation,” points out Rose. “When parents model curiosity, celebrate learning, and emphasize relationships over perfection, children are much more likely to develop a healthy, lifelong relationship with school.”
